“And that’s what I was, a shoulder to sleep with.” - One Day
Hahahaha love this movie. But really.
Ughhhh. Foreal.
But really.
You know what?
I’m scared. Yeah, I’m not even gonna try to lie about it. This whole thing freaks me out. I haven’t even somewhat cared about anyone since the first few weeks of senior year. But really, literally. And I was doing so well, because I knew if I was tied down to anyone here, I couldn’t be myself. As in I wouldn’t be strong. And I wouldn’t be confident in myself and what I know I can do in the future. I know I’m not the greatest at what I am, but I’m still better than this town. I was so ready to move on and then I met/got to know you these past few weeks…and to be truthful, I know you’re going to ruin everything. Because, as disgustingly gross as it sounds, I haven’t felt this way in a long time. At least a year. You’re not even my type! But I guess that’s why you’re different. I didn’t realize how much I needed a gentleman. You are literally perfect. Not fair. You’re not fair. This isn’t fair.
But goodness. I am completely head over heels. Whenever we talk or text or whatever I can’t help but light up. But literally I can’t stop myself, it’s sad. And btw you give the besttt hugs everr. Ugh this sucks. Cause in 92 days I will be gone. And I don’t plan to ever come back, because I’m going to my favorite place in the world.
Which is why, regretfully, I think I have decided. I can’t keep entertaining the idea of this impossibility. I have to let go. Even if you have opened my cynical, bitchy, closed up heart…I just can’t let myself care any more than I do now. Whatever happens now, happens. This is in God’s hands.
